5 Month Marker

Today marks the 5 month anniversary of Lauryn, Steven, and Shanna's passing. The longest months I've lived. And it's heartbreaking. And every time I have to explain this accident--have to explain the loss of my sister to someone who hasn't yet heard--I'm so hurt. And I try to live each day with her memory and spirit in my movements and thoughts because the alternative is that I let the grief crush me. And it may. It still may. Because it isn't fair that I have to live the rest of my life without my little sister. It isn't fair that I don't get to talk to her and watch her graduate from high school and get to go shopping with her for all that stupid college stuff that Target and Bed, Bath, & Beyond put on lists of "Dorm Room Essentials" and I don't get to lecture her about the perils of underage drinking and what douches college aged guys can be ('tis true). And I'm so very sad that she is gone.